Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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