so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
