I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
