that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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