no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is classic penis vs brain.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
