i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
