so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
