She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
