i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
