Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
