I accidentally had phone sex last night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
