I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
