i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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