I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
