OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
