I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
