either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
