I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
