Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
