Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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