just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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