Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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