I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
