So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
