She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
