FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And then he peed in my hair
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