I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
send nudes
from the living room?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
