woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
