Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
