this beer tastes like vomit already
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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