hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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