My cat gives me a boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
