I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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