I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
