why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
