Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize
