omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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