last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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