It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
