her vagine was all disorganized.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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