I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
