Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
