just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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