Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
