he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
