Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
