just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
