is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
