As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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