Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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