I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
