he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
