Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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