I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
