I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
