If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
