I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
