I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
