Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
